From Haircut to Nirvana: A Vietnamese Transcendental Tale.

Who would have thought a scalp and head massage would be a transcendental experience? The scalp massage was performed with the finger dexterity of a trained concert pianist. For a moment the wonders of the universe are unveiled. I briefly shake hands with God as the phosphenes (the lights you see when your eyes are closed) kaleidoscope plays out in my brain as my scalp, temples and ocular orbits are massaged in a way that make normal body massages seem ‘so mundane’. When finally finished, all motor control is momentarily lost until my brain slowly returns to the physical realm.

This is the experience of the shampoo and scalp massage part of the haircut experience here in Vietnam. This level of luxury is not something anyone from the West typically experiences. For some reason, most East Asian countries really elevate the full hair cut experience to the highest levels.

I have been putting off a haircut for a week. I wanted to finish the Trương Mỹ Lan article I have been working on, so I have been staying home during the day until it was complete. …but now is time to start working on some personal maintenance.

Walking in the door of one location of the largest barber shop chain in Ho Chi Minh City, I am greeted by one of the three barbers who ask me to take a seat while he finishes up with his current client.

Music is an interesting mix of Vietnamese rap, George Michael (Wham era …you know, that saxophone song), a little Maroon Five (one of the lesser popular songs) and some other Vietnamese pop songs I don’t know the name of.

The barbers are dressed in bright orange uniforms, which look eerily similar to what you might see on a blue-collar worker back in the U.S., maybe a plumber or an auto mechanic. Obviously, intended to give a down to earth feeling, mimicking the Vietnamese version of the new type of American blue collar millennial barber, which has become popular over the last decade or so.

Tattoos, piercings and neatly quaffed hair complete the uniform, which give more of an impression that you are dealing with an artist than a hair mechanic.

In some butchered Vietnamese, I say my memorized instructions:

Số bốn ở đỉnh, số ba ở phía dưới, cách đỉnh vài cm

Number four on the sides, number three at the bottom, a few centimeters off the top.

The haircut package starts normal enough; haircut, followed by ear cleaning, face mask with serum (to rejuvenate the skin), hair, scalp and face wash, followed by head and shoulder massage. In all, the total experience can last from an hour to 90 minutes. This time at the barber is one of the highlights of the fortnight.

Immediately following the haircut, the barber motions me to the next chair, to meet a young woman, apparently in her 20’s to early 30’s, dressed slightly professionally, with a white buttoned up long sleeve shirt, perhaps some long pants or modest shorts. She motions me to sit in the chair while she takes out a strange contraption which look like strong magnifying eyeglasses with rotational lamps attached. She sets up a small tray of metal and wooden gadgets which would seem appropriate in a dentist’s office.

Some people might know the sensory feeling of relief when putting a Q-tip in your ears shortly after a shower. Imagine this experience times 100. An ear cleaning involves removing the hair from the ears and using various tools to clean the inner ears. Ear cleaning creates a weird sensory overload as parts of your ears, which are never touched, are suddenly being cleaned which causes the feeling which I can only describe as extreme relief. These tools may include tiny cotton swabs, little metal scoops, feathers, small hand massagers, etcetera. For the next few days, ears feel a level of cleanliness many have never experienced before.

At the same time, a facial serum mask is applied. At first, reflexes prompt a quick inhalation of air as the coldness momentarily shocks the system. Then the cold serum starts to work their magic to reduce any skin inflammation and rejuvenating the skin. This takes away sun and oxidation damage giving a slightly more rejuvenated look.

Following this, the next step is the shampoo and face wash. This part is amazing and starts with a normal hair washing. The body instantly starts to relax as hair follicles of the scalp are massaged, stimulated with shorter to middle length nails gently massaging the head, extracting the dirt and oil from the scalp which guys typically miss during our rushed 5 second hair wash at home.

With warm water still flowing, the water is gently rerouted toward the face. Some quick facial wash is dabbed in the appropriate areas followed by a cleansing wash expertly performed with the skill of a trained concert pianist.

For a moment the wonders of the universe are unveiled. I briefly shake hands with God as the phosphenes (the lights you see when your eyes are closed) kaleidoscope plays out in my brain as my scalp, temples and ocular orbits are massaged in a way that make normal body massages seem ‘so mundane’. When finally finished, all motor control is momentarily lost until my brain slowly returns to the physical realm.

For a brief moment, I forget where I even am as natural light re-enters my eyes and I am gently escorted to the next station where my hair is dried. I am handed a few Q-tips and maybe a glass of tea or water and given a few more minutes to collect myself before I go back to the barber for styling and settling up payment.

I hand ₫180,000 (the equivalent of $7 USD) for the haircut and another ₫100,000 ($4 USD) for tips and I am on my way.

I go home feeling a renewed sense of relaxation as though I had spent the day at a spa. The effect stays with me for the rest of the day. All is bliss as it suddenly occurs to me …’hey, it’s already lunch time.’ I decide to make a quick stop at the grocery store for some food and I go into my office to tap away at the keyboard to write about the experience.